Here's some lies about myself and my job.

- If you look closely at the ASTRA label on every FedEx package you will see a Unicorn. This is because of the medieval belief that the Unicorn was the only animal never late to the poetry readings of King Richard the First.

- Everyday for lunch I eat a light bulb. If I'm not very hungry I meet eat just a chandelier bulb, but in winter I have been known to eat an entire string of Christmas lights. Not the cord though as I find it rather chewy.

- When I have some down time I often surf the Internets or go to the Google. Once I delivered a small FedEx box to an IP address but they were out.

- My day consists of awakening at 5AM. As my FedEx house has it's own tap, I will fill the basin and start shaving with a knife while my maid presses my uniform. If the laundry isn't still drying from the wood range in the kitchen, I have some hot tea with the newly baked bread. As my FedEx house is close, I walk to the FedEx factory where I make one shilling and sixpence a week. That's a lot to a courier lad. If it's a pay day I might have some neck of mutton stew with a bit of gravy and a right chinwag with the lads at the public house by the factory gate. There's usually a nice smell of cakes and roly-poly when I get home from buying the candles. If I have time I clean out the chickens or polish the brass in the parlour. Then I'll clean the pots from the outside privvy (I don't need to share but it costs an extra tuppence) and top off the tin bath with the hot water from the range and have a bath before bed at 8:30PM. It's hard to stay up late with no oil for the lamps.

- And finally, I think what everyones asking is "Where's my bloody flying car?" At FedEx we now use the Mercedes Sprinter or what we call the "Roadable Aircraft." It's why all FedEx locations originate at an airport. So we can use the propeller ducts to vertically land at the warehouse using the hands free flight system. No need for a pilot's licence!